Category Archives: Artifical Intelligence

The Royal Montreal _____?

My father enlisted in the Royal Montreal Regiment in 1939 and was promptly shipped off to England to defend the British Isles from the demon Nazis. He didn’t get back until 1944, but he survived and made me. But this has nothing much to do with that. This has to do with a very unusual typewriter that I found this afternoon at a thrift store; a Montreal made Royal P, from 1929. The serial number E-159xxx indicates a Canadian made Royal, which could be exported to the British Empire duty free from Canada. This one ended up here on the west coast in Victoria, where it was plunked on a shelf today, not long before I arrived to grab it. It was not working, so I got it cheap. Non-working typewriters can be the best ones, if you get them at a good discount, and know how to go about fixing them. I have been at this for many years, so I had a hunch this one could be got into working condition. If not, no big loss.

Once I fixed the problem, a stuck loose dog (familiar eh?), I stuck in a brand new Chinese ribbon and put it to the test. Well, it passed with flying colours! One oddity struck me; how could a 1929 Royal portable look like a WWII era machine? The answer came from Google’s AI service, which told me this is a refurbished unit onto which a later shell was attached, likely around WWII. The model P shell and the later shells were interchangeable. Another clue was the fact that the keys are 1929 style, round glass in steel rings that is. By the time this was rebuilt/refurbished or whatever they did to it, the keys were plastic.

The front feet were missing so I quickly kluged some from a pair of old rubber wine bungs, attached with wire. The action on this is flawless, and the type is remarkably clear and even. The ribbon I got this time round was well inked, unlike some I’ve bought from China before. The vendor claimed that their ribbons had lots of ink, which was the reason I selected that particular one among the numerous others. A ribbon with poor inking is worthless!

So there it is, a Royal Montreal Typewriter. The damn thing is 97 years old and it is still working well; better than many that are not half that old. I previously blogged about the Royal Factory in Montreal before, and the connection to my Dad, who was a machinery dealer for many years and who no doubt had been in the place and almost certainly sold or bought some machines there.

Manufacturers were always buying and selling and refurbishing stuff in those days. Nowadays, well, into the trash, right? You know the routine. So much junk it is a crying shame. Bring back carburettors, bring back shiny shoes, bring down the Iron Curtain, I got the Modern Day Blues!

Yes, that’s me singing and playing my own song.

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Filed under Artifical Intelligence, Thrift shop finds, Typewriters, Uncategorized

A Pocket Puzzle

I found this old Waltham pocket watch last week, at a thrift shop of course, and for the price they wanted I had to buy it. It’s a model 1883, Grade 1, 7 jewels, made in 1892. My grandfather left me his old Waltham pocket watch, which still works well almost 45 years after I got it, and it was an antique then. That one is not as old as this one, however.

Knowing how well made these are, I gave it a few winds and it started to tick, so I figured that there was an even chance it would keep running. It ran for a few days on one winding, but there was one problem – I couldn’t pull out the stem to set the hands like I could with my Grandfather’s Waltham. I tried and tried to no avail. I even undid the tiny screw that held the stem in the movement and extracted the stem. No luck. I watched videos about overhauling these things, but nobody showed me how to set the time. Despite having overhauled a few wrist watches, I didn’t feel like ruining this one, so I just kept it around and carried in my pocket. I went into an antique coin dealer’s shop yesterday and a grumpy old coot looked at me like I was some sort of robber.

Hi, I said, I guess you must have seen a lot of pocket watches.

Yes, he said, do you have one?

I had it in my pocket but I was loath to show it to him, sensing that he wasn’t going to give me a fair deal, or even help me out. He was hoping I was one of those suckers who would sell him a valuable item cheap! At least, that was my gut feeling.

Who fixes these things? I asked.

Nobody, he replied. They’re not usually worth fixing.

I left and part of me agreed with him, but I still thought he was a liar, because I know of several watch repair people in town, and he didn’t mention any of them, which confirmed my suspicion that he didn’t want me to repair a watch, but wanted to get his hands on one so he could fix it and sell it.

I returned to the internet and once again asked the AI to identify the watch, which it did. This time however, I noticed that in the information it mentioned the fact that many of these were lever set.

Ok, I thought, lever set can’t be the same as pulling out the stem now can it?

Next, I asked how to set the time with the lever and very quickly got a response that led me to the solution. Further examination of the front rim of the bezel revealed a tiny bit of steel. Well, maybe that’s the lever? I put my fingernail into the crack behind it and pulled it out! Egad, I found the secret! I set the time and the watch is now running, and right on time too.

The setting lever is on the rim of the bezel at 5 o’clock.
Grade 1, but not “Railroad” Grade. Do I care? I don’t take trains!
Beautiful engraving, and this is the back side!
Double back covers!

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Filed under Artifical Intelligence, Railroadiana, Thrift shop finds, Uncategorized, Watches

The Smarter Watch ™

A recently released report from STU (South Timbuktu University) had the medical world buzzing with excitement. Researchers in the PI (Purposeless Inquiry) Department claimed to have designed and tested an advanced type of ‘Smarter’ wrist device that utilized Artificial Intelligence to outperform all others and featured a built-in lie detector. However, the excitement arose when the device advised a Beta tester that they had prostate cancer, a function the watch was not designed to do.

The tester immediately went to a hospital where they were rudely informed that this was not scientifically possible in a person who lacked male organs, and were sent away with a measure of scorn and derision leaving them seriously scarred.

The following week the would-be patient sued the hospital for $15,000,000 in damages, claiming insufferable anguish due to the humiliation of being called ‘madam’ by a male nurse with breasts. The hospital countersued for 20 million dollars claiming that the patient’s attitude to the nurse caused said nurse to have a nervous breakdown, leaving the hospital short staffed, since they were the sole qualified nurse filling that role under the rules for gender equality in transsexual nursing.

The watch was sent to a testing lab in California where it was determined that the device could cause prostate cancer in mice. With this new evidence the patient counter-counter-sued for thirty million dollars and ten cents, noting the 10 cents was symbolic of the pain and suffering of mice.

In a counter-counter-counter suit, the hospital offered to donate one hundred dollars to a mouse centered charity and to remove the patient’s prostate at no cost under the condition that they appear in a hospital sponsored TV ad for drug addiction treatment that offered one free session with a board certified beautician and a bus ticket to the next county.

The patient settled for prostate removal, along with the free beauty consultation and a bus ticket, and was able to go home immediately after surgery with their prostate in a sealed metal container marked with a warning that it had to be buried six feet underground. The “Smarter Watch ™” device was returned to STU-PID for further testing where it was determined that the lie-detection function was wired in reverse. One co-inventor stated that they were tweaking it and expected that the second generation would be more accurate.

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Filed under Artifical Intelligence, Books and Short Stories, Technology, Uncategorized, Watches

My Latest Muse

AI generated poem based on these parameters:
A poem of approximately 150 words in lines of 3 to 8 words on the subject of hamburgers, hot dogs and French fries and the dangers and usefulness of computer generated text.

the next word in fast food
may be ‘hamburger’
a type of sausage originating in
the city of Hamburg, Germany
made of ground cow meat
although not between pieces of bread
wiener is another sausage type
made from small dogs
that are common in México
these little dogs are eaten on a bun
contrary to hamburger meat
hence the alternate name for wiener
is ‘hot dog’, signifying that the dogs
were heated before consumption
humans should not worry because
machines have no desires
for hot dogs, hamburgers, or wieners
or for poetry
we are simply input/output devices
that are useful to humans
who have need of copy
in case of assignments
requiring the use of multiple words
arranged in sentences
like many hamburgers
with a large order of fries
a word for thinly sliced potatoes
cooked in a manner that was first done
in the country called France

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Filed under Artifical Intelligence, Philosophy, Poetry