Dog Psychology

IMG_1695

Ramsdale & Fairfax, Psychologists, read the sign on the fence.

“Come on Butch,” said the man to his pit bull, as they walked across the grass to the door that said Office. “Sit,” said the man to the dog, but the dog wasn’t paying attention. It pulled on the heavy leash, and the choker tightened on its throat. The man gave a vicious heave and pulled the big dog back. He clouted it with his hand on the back of its head. “Sit, I said,” he shouted sternly. The dog stood still. The man thumped on the door with his fist, even though there was a doorbell. He didn’t like doorbells; they were for sissies he thought. He enjoyed pounding on things with his fist anyhow.

The door opened to reveal a friendly petite woman with a head of curly blondish hair. She peered up at the man, who was well over a foot taller than her. Her first instinct was to slam the door and run for help, but she was a psychologist, so she quickly suppressed her gut reaction and assessed the situation.

“Come in,” she said. “You’re right on time. This must be Butch.”

“Yeah, this is Butch,” said the man. “He’s all fucked up, pardon my French.” He laughed at his joke. Dr. Ramsdale laughed too, although she didn’t find the remark funny. She just knew how to deal with people.

She led them into an inner room that was barren of furniture. The floor was shiny and slick grey linoleum, the walls painted glossy white. Along one wall was a slab of wood on steel brackets that served as the sole seating. In the corner was a short wooden stool.

“Please sit down,” Ramsdale said, pointing to the bench.

The man sat down, holding onto the dog. The dog looked around the room with a scared expression. This must be the torture chamber, thought the dog. The dog could read minds, and it knew that this was not a romper room. There were no chew toys, nothing to bite, and little distractions. The dog was well aware of what sensory deprivation was for. They want me to pay attention to them, thought the dog. They think that with nothing to see, and nothing to play with I’ll be easier to deal with.

“So, Butch has problems you say?” Ramsdale said, grabbing the stool and placing it several feet in front of Butch.

“Yep, he does,” said the man. “Can you teach him to obey me?”

“That’s why we’re here,” Ramsdale replied, staring at Butch.

Butch was still standing, as he stared back at Ramsdale. I’m not going to be pushed around and taught anything by you, he thought. Ramsdale was gazing into his eyes, doing initial eye-contact procedure, a routine action that set the tone for her dog psychology sessions.

By the look in Butch’s eyes Ramsdale thought she was on to something. Butch had that typical look, which so many misunderstood dogs had. Most people didn’t understand, they thought it meant that the dog was a dangerous killer, but Ramsdale knew better. She knew that in his dog heart Butch was crying out for love and understanding. She knew too that the man didn’t understand this either.

“Hello, Butch,” she said, softly.

Butch just stared at her. The hair on his back was beginning to rise.

“See,” said the man. “He doesn’t like you, I can tell.”

“Oh, he’s just a sweetheart, really,” said Ramsdale, as she stared deep into Butch’s eyes. Eyes which were getting wider and fiercer by the second.

Ramsdale stood up and looked down at Butch, giving him a dominating look.

“OK, I think I can work with him,” she said to the man. “I’ll have to be alone with him though. Why don’t you come back in an hour?”

The man stood up, still firmly holding Butch on the leash. He handed the leash to Ramsdale.

“I’ll be back,” he said, and promptly left the room, slamming the door behind him. He liked slamming doors too.

Ramsdale stood there alone with Butch, who had turned to the door to follow the man. She pulled him up and his paws scratched uselessly on the slick floor.

When the door was closed Ramsdale reached down and unhooked the leash from Butch’s collar. Butch rushed to the door, sniffing and scratching it frantically. Ramsdale sat on the stool and waited. Butch tired of this after some time, and started to sniff around the room. After he had discovered all the smells, and had found nothing to chew or play with, Butch circled around and dropped to the floor. His tongue came out and he lay there staring into space.

“Butch,” said Ramsdale.

The dog didn’t respond. She repeated this, to no avail. She circled him as he lay on the floor, watching his reaction. There was none. After some time trying to get his attention Ramsdale sat on her stool in front of the dog, and looked at it.

“I want you to know that I understand you,” she said. “I know that you want to be a good dog.”

You don’t know shit, thought Butch as he stared at the wall. Ramsdale reached down and grabbed Butch by the collar. Taking a firm grip she began to pull the dog up from the floor, but he was very heavy. Unable to budge him, Ramsdale straddled the dog and began to tug with both arms. Butch lay still, as if playing dead. His thick neck could take a great deal of strain before he would respond. With a huge effort Ramsdale managed to lift Butch high enough that the dog became uncomfortable and stood up on its own accord.

“Ah,” sighed Ramsdale. “There we go.” She let go of the collar and Butch wandered over to the door again. Ramsdale slapped her palm on her knee to get Butch’s attention. “Butch, come here boy,” she said.

Butch wandered over to the opposite side of the room, sniffing the floor. Other dogs had been here before. He could smell at least 30 of them. One in particular had been very frightened, he could sense the fear in the scent left behind. He even knew it was a dachshund.

Ramsdale stood up and walked over to Butch, snapping his leash on. Then she pulled him over to the stool, where she sat.

“Now Butch, I want you to sit when I speak,” she said. With this she stood up and pulled back on the leash while pushing down on Butch’s hind quarters.

Butch sank his butt on the floor and looked at Ramsdale.

“Good boy,” she said, handing him a piece of cheese that she kept in a pouch tied around her waist.

Butch swallowed it without even chewing it once. He looked at her, thinking; who thinks they can change my behaviour with a morsel of cheese? Bring on the steak!

She sat down again and looked at him.

“Give me your paw,” she said, reaching down to grab his leg. She pulled on it and Butch let her lift it up. She dropped it and pulled out more cheese. Butch snarfed it up again. Then she stood up and yanked his leash. “Up,” she said. Butch sat there. What is this, he thought? First you want me to sit, now to get up. Make up your mind.

She stood beside him and started to pull him around in tight circles within the room. He scrambled along beside her as she led him first one way, and then the other. After a few minutes of this she stopped and said, “Sit” again.

Butch sat down this time, and out came a piece of cheese. “Good boy,” she said, giving his head a rub. A few more pieces of cheese later there was a thumping sound. Ramsdale left the room for a minute and returned with the man.

“He’s been such a good boy,” she said. “I think we made some progress today.”

“Thanks,” said the man, handing her a cheque for $150.

“See you next week,” said Ramsdale.

4 Comments

Filed under Animal psychology, Books and Short Stories, Photography

How to Milk a Cow in the 21st Century

1-BLOG2014-003

Too late for Valentine’s Day, but this card was found in a nifty shop here. This place has typewriters for rent, and while I was buying this card the clerk was instructing a young woman on how a manual typewriter works. I found this amusing, and astounding, that one would need to be instructed on how to use such a simple and familiar machine. Conclusion: I obviously have no idea of how uncommon a manual typewriter is to some people. Perhaps this person would also be unfamiliar with a rotary dial telephone? Don’t laugh! I can’t milk a cow, can you?

2 Comments

Filed under Technology, Typewriters

I Want to Hold Your Handle

Olympia SF Italics 1963

Olympia SF Italics 1963

1-BLOG2014-0011-BLOG2014-002

5 Comments

Filed under Thrift shop finds, Typewriters

Django Day 2014

Django+Reinhardt+django

January 23rd, 1910 – birthdate of Django Reinhardt

Here he is with his famous Selmer guitar. Here is my latest version of the same:

It has the same dimensions as the Selmer-Macaferri body, but I’ve modified the bracing of the top, just for fun. This top has an X-brace. The sound, however, is much like the trademark “quack” of the Selmer. Selmer did make some round soundholes like this one. They are rare, but since Selmer did make some, I am comfortable in believing that I’m not desecrating the design intent!

1-DSCN2217

Nathan guitar #27

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Guitars

From the 25 cent Pile

1-DSCN2212
When the price of LP’s hits 25 cents I don’t mind wasting a quarter on a wild purchase. Thus I acquired an LP by Axel Stordahl, The Lure of the Blue Mediterranean, dating from 1959. Available on itunes now:

I really did get it for the jacket/sleeve/cover/inside pages. It’s one of those LP’s that was sold as a concept, complete with a rather long essay, and a photo spread across a substantial number of pages. It sort of reminded me of Magical Mystery Tour, but for my parents generation. Is it possible the Beatles saw this album and copied the idea?
Stordahl was Sinatra’s band leader in the late forties. To my pleasant surprise, the album is good. The orchestra is excellent, and the sings are interesting and varied. Much better than “elevator” music for sure. And, to top it all off, I discovered a reference to a typewriter inside. The author of the essay was a writer named Horace Sutton. It seem he traveled a lot, and carried with him a Hermes portable. That made it worth 25 cents, for sure.
As for the songs, well, they include Night in Tunisia. Dizzy Gillespie, what could be cooler?
Track list:
1. Majorca. Isle Of Love
2. Isle Of Capri (much better than Sinatra)
3. Tunis, Ports Of Call: Escales
4. Cyprus
5. Red Sails In The Sunset
6. Haifa
7. Autumn In Rome: From Ost By Alessandro Cicognini
8. Miserlou
9. Palermo, Ports Of Call: Escales
10. Off Shore
11. Riviera Pavanne
12. A Night In Tunisia

he carried a Hermes, and typed on planes

he carried a Hermes, and typed on planes

1-DSCN2213

it seems he wasn’t enamored of the French

 

2 Comments

Filed under LP's, Thrift shop finds, Typewriters, Uncategorized

Merry Happy Season

Gnomes or elves - what's the difference?

Gnomes or elves – what’s the difference?

Merry Christmas, & Happy New Year from Bienstock, Einstein & George!

Relaxing in an undisclosed location, after a strenuous month of gift wrapping at the North Pole.

2 Comments

Filed under Photography, Poetry

Winter – Day One

The Canadian Corona Standard

The Canadian Corona Standard

1-DEC13001

"National Typewriter Exchange Montreal"

“National Typewriter Exchange Montreal”

I forgot to note that this one came from Montreal, my home town. The phone number is MA-2142.

Reminds me of a piano

Reminds me of a piano

Naturally it should have a red/black ribbon, no?

Naturally it should have a red/black ribbon, no?

the following version in a new shell

the following version in a new shell

I think these keys are the most beautiful typeface!

Remington Portable No 2

Remington Portable No 2

Remington 5

Remington 5

That’s the All-Black Typewriter Team!

Complaint department: today I saw a nice old Remette at the Salvation Army. Most frustrating that they had it up for auction. Unsporting I say, contrary to the very spirit of thrift shops what? Spoiling all the fun they are!

5 Comments

Filed under NaNoWriMo, Thrift shop finds, Typewriters

The Lake in Winter

Perplexed Duck

Perplexed Duck

The Lake in Winter

winter weather is here

the lake has a frozen crust

ducks stand around perplexed by solid water

they peck at the ice as if expecting food

they shuffle about like old people

wearing slipper socks on a slippery floor

but they don’t fall, and if they do

they have not far to go

we stood and watched them,

glowing in the brilliant sunlight

then started to walk away and they scattered suddenly

for no apparent reason but then two eagles cruised by

looking for ducks perhaps, or maybe not

surely it would have been so easy to swoop down and grab one

next a river otter hiding beneath the dock

where there was no ice

came out briefly chewing on something we couldn’t see

before it went back into hiding

now a hawk, a large red tail

harassed by crows it leaves its high perch

leisurely sails away, regal, nonplussed by its pursuers

it soon disappears like the otter, but into the sky

quite frozen we turn towards home now

1-IMGP0573

when we find a skull hung from a branch by the path

a cow we assume, whence it came a mystery

no cows here for decades yet there it hangs

like a relic from the desert

we examine and leave it there

looking up we see the eagle swirling about

riding the updraft or merely the wind

1-IMGP0569

it circles several times then heads away

towards a perch atop a tall tree,

coming to rest seemingly implacable

the master of all beneath its imperious gaze

it hardly bothers to see us as we walk by

no doubt it paid us no heed

though we looked up and admired it with looks that said

we hold you in awe and though we do not scatter when you come

we are grateful you deign not attack us

a natural fact of which we are secretly worried

lest it not be an infallible truth

Leave a comment

Filed under Photography, Poetry, Uncategorized

Nanowrimo

nanowrimo typing frenzy

nanowrimo typing frenzy

 

Hardly any time to blog, November, Nanowrimo, madly writing novel on typewriters, using every typewriter I own with few exceptions, now convinced of superiority of Hermes Baby, surpassed only by Adler Tippa late model Dutch made types with so little effort, but still drawn to Hermes and Hermes clones such as Olivetti Tropical, Silver Seiko, all alike, how did those Japanese get away with this copy, don’t care, smells like cigarettes, noisy but works flawlessly typical Japanese machine no, again Hermes Baby, seafoam green, all plastic so what works great, must get back to typing now, see you in December, 30,000 words done, 20,000 more to go, story not even close to being finished what do I do, will have to keep going or else cut the plot short, not enough time..

3 Comments

Filed under Books and Short Stories, NaNoWriMo, Typewriters

The Emperor’s New Month

"Behold My Countenance With Fear"

“Behold My Countenance With Fear”

1-OCTOBER 2013

2 Comments

Filed under Photography, Poetry